. . . IGNORING THE PAIN

March 28, 2011

It's the 28th of March. I began this work week with a sick day. My back is beginning to give up on me.

I have scoliosis. Since, I think, my college years, I just knew I had it. I haven't had a single check-up for this, but even then I just knew.

When 2003 came and I had to have bone graft surgery for a gunshot wound (that's another story), my ortho then, Dr. Rob Uy, confirmed my scoliosis -- with xray to boot.

I am scoliotic. Yeah and? That makes half of my immediate family -- my mom and my sis have it, too.

I kinda had it under control a few years back when I started doing yoga. But when I got pregnant, I started feeling the strain on my lower lumbar again. Two babies later, I sometimes have a hard time turning over when I sleep on a certain side the entire night.

This morning, I was feeling okay. But a few hours of walking later, I felt it beginning to hurt. I don't know how to describe it. It's like my back is trapped between a rock and a hard place. hahaha! Like it's trapped in the middle of two walls moving toward each other. I can't even stand straight.

Here's the thing, I've been feeling sick for a couple of days now. All sorts of pain. Sometimes I feel tiny chest pains but I ignore it. Not totally, I had my blood pressure taken but it was normal. So I went back to thinking it was nothing. But it sometimes comes back. And now this. I've been feeling this back pain since Thursday but again, I try to ignore it. I don't wanna be labeled yet again feigning sick just because I have a spat with my husband. Oh please. I've been trying for days to fight back getting sick. I thank God I now have a yaya who I can say is a better partner than someone I know. So if I am sick, physically and emotionally (and maybe mentally), forgive me because I can only take so much. Scoliosis is not a trip to Disneyland. Try one.

...PARENTS WHO HATE PARENTING

March 22, 2011

Parents who hate parenting: Is this the latest trend?

I came across this article today while I was checking my mail. (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/parents-who-hate-parenting-the-latest-trend-2466533/).

I am denying I hate parenting but several points in this article weren’t so far from home either. Maybe it’s not the parenting that I hate -- I love my children to death. Maybe it’s being a wife. I dislike being given a title and reduced to being a plus one when clearly I do more. I’m sure men everywhere will disagree but this is my blog. Leave me be.

I used to think that I was fortunate enough to have tried almost everything that I wanted when I was younger and I have had enough fun party-wise. But then I tell you parents-to-be, it’s not exactly wise. Because, clearly, you know what you will be missing unlike those who take the plunge (and I also advise you not to). They might also have their own repercussions since they are ‘late-bloomers’.

The article sited PERFECTIONISM, MULTI-TASKING and STRESS as the top three stumbling blocks who normally make mothers resent parenting. True. I try to be perfect, therefore, I expect everyone around me to also be perfect or at least, try to be. But, as the cliché goes, nobody’s perfect. And yes, nobody truly is. As a result, I expect too much from people because I beat and chastise myself if I make a mistake.

I don’t think you can find a mom who does not multi-task. I feel that multi-tasking is what makes us efficient as a person. Say for example the male specie, can he watch television and listen to what you say at the same time? No. One task at a time is what they are programmed to do. Women, on the other hand, can watch TV while picking up toys on the floor and lecture the children on what to do after playing with their toys.

And stress. What's there to not stress about? That's me. Stress-filled 24/7.

To close, these are the 10 tips, the article offered:

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK – YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. Perfectionism. That’s my problem.

JUST SAY NO! WHAT ARE YOUR REAL PRIORITIES? Oh how I’d love to say no. But who’s gonna do it?

TAKE TIME TO WRITE IT DOWN. JOURNALING WILL BRING CLARITY TO YOUR LIFE. No matter how many times I’ve been telling myself that I would write religiously this time, take time to just breathe is more like it.

SLOW DOWN AND SAVOR LIVING IN THE MOMENT. I want so much to slow down and savor my children and how much love I get from them. But if I slowed down, life happens!

PLUG INTO YOUR KIDS SO YOU CAN REALLY CONNECT WITH THEM. I am sooo guilty. Sometimes I tutor and do something else. Multi-tasking! I need to play with them more, talk to them more. Sometimes I get annoyed with N’s incessant questions.

DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND – INTIMACY IS LIFE-AFFIRMING. This, I feel, I can do without. How can I not forget my husband when he does not make his presence be felt around the house? Intimacy? Hah!

REACH OUT BEYOND YOUR FAMILY. IT WILL ENRICH EVERYONE. Yesterday, I had a chance to chat with old friends and again, I felt what I was missing with my life. My husband is very good in reaching out beyond our family. He reaches out to them ALL the time! I, on the other hand, feel utterly disconnected.

MAKE YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH A PRIORITY. Nope. My priority is my children. Although I need to make my physical and mental health join my priority lost. Without them, I cannot enjoy my kids more.

IS MORE ALWAYS BETTER? SIMPLIFY. More what? I don’t get this. I think we have just enough.

BE A LITTLE SELFISH – YOU DESERVE IT AND IT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER MOTHER. I know I do. But I feel guilty. A million times have I thought of getting a massage but then I think of my kids and how much I’d rather just be with them. They always, always win.

...TATAY'S 60TH

March 17, 2011





We just got back from our Bacolod trip for my father's surprise party. I have been keeping that trip a secret from my children for a looong time. And I'm relieved that that was finally over -- the secret-keeping part.

I don't know why I waited so long to go back home because I had so much fun and my kids clearly had even more.

The surprise party was a huge success. Tatay was very happy to see his brothers and sisters altogether and of course, us.

He was tricked into thinking that they were going to have dinner at a fancy hotel -- just the family. He was already getting irked that it was 7 0'clock already and they still were not leaving the house. When he got to the hotel, he was already his grumpy self when his guests (except us and some sibs) jumped out of the darkness and yelled "SURPRISE!" He was already pleased then.

And then, Twinkle presented the video I made for him and he was already teary-eyed by the time they got to Star's and my children's videos. The rest of the audience was a bit emotional already, too.

Meanwhile, while we were hidden in the kitchen, I was explaining to Tay's sister, Mommy Linda, why 'Karabaw', she was also already crying.

So when we got to the part of Draco's live singing of Karabaw and our grand entrance, everyone was in tears! Nyx shouted 'Tay! Tay!' and ran to him while I carried the singing Draco and gave him to Tatay's shaking hands. He was crying and sniffing and shaking! I was fighting my tears because I had to keep the show going.

To represent the 'surprise delegation', Tita Pinky made a speech. And from the homecourt, the eldest Gregorio, Tito Onny, said some stuff. Tito Jing said quite a meaningful prayer and the partying started.



Co-hosting with me was my super kulit son, Draco. He was the star of the night! Stealing the show from Mom! Tatay said he was happy that all his siblings were there and that the only one missing was Tita Lee. So we showed him Tita Lee's video greeting and also greetings from his friends and my ninongs -- Roy and Ed. He was also happy that his friends from Metro, Tito Yco, Tito Nonoy and Tito Emilio were there, too, aside from the Villa Angela Friday boys.

When he gave his thank you speech, he said he was really surprised and that he hopes this could happen again -- the gathering part. He also added that he was amazed at Drakey and that he sees young self in my son. When we were in Bacolod house and I would get mad at D, Tatay would always come to the rescue. He would go to our room and take D away from me at least until I cool down.

When it was finally time for us to go home, Nyx and Draco were crying because they didn't want to go back to Cebu. They said they'd rather stay in Bacolod. Nyx was crying from the Bacolod Airport all the way to Cebu!

...OUR TRIP TO CROCOLANDIA

March 6, 2011

Ever since I read about Crocolandia a few months back, I've been wanting to bring Nyx and Draco to the place so they can see the animals. Both my kids, Nyx especially, loves animals. Draco, I feel, only likes them because his sister loves them.

This 2-days-off policy is quite a blessing because when I learned about it, Crocolandia became my first mission.

Crocolandia is located in Talisay, Cebu. It's about half an hour from the city proper. It does not have ample parking space but it is quite easy to locate. It is open from 8am - 5pm. (We got there around 4:45pm but we were allowed to stay until 6pm.) Entrance fees are at PhP 80 per adult and PhP 40 per kid.

Upon entering, you are automatically welcomed by a big-ass crocodile lying by the side of its fenced area. HUGE!!! It was a dragon! At least, I thought so. They have a very systematic path that you don't get to miss anything when you walk around. Arrows guide your way, too. They had a huge collection of crocodiles -- for lack of a better description for them -- there were crocodiles by the water, in the water, on the side of the fence, alongside their water area, in the mud, covered in mud, open-mouthed crocs, moving crocs and the most popular and abundant kind -- the non-moving crocs. Nyx said, why are they like statues?


The oldest of the crocs was called Lapu-Lapu (named after the Filipino hero who downed the Portugese explorer, Magellan). Incidentally, they also had a Magellan but she died ahead of her Lapu-Lapu. Yup, Magellan was a girl and Lapu-Lapu's domestic partner in Crocolandia. The King and Queen of the place.
Lapu-Lapu was almost too sad to look at. He was in the water, half-submerged. His body was too dark, too. Old age? I wouldn't know.

After the crocodiles, there were the birds. Several kinds of birds. What fascinated my kids the most were the ostrich and the peacock. And then there were the reptiles. Tortoises, iguanas, monitor lizards (which I hated), Visayan lizard something, and Nyx's favorite -- the pythons!



When she saw the sign for reticulated python, she jumped up and down and shrieked: My idol! My idol! I don't know where she got the fascination for snakes because her dad is hella afraid of snakes!

We saw the cats next. Too bad there were no tigers there. Tigers would have made their day even more. Civet cats, Palawan Bear Cat and something like a chipmunk. The Bear cats were really cute except that they might have rabies because they looked so much like raccoons. And raccoons have rabies, right?

They also have a small museum-ish area where they have bones of their animals and preserved animal carcasses. The kids and I were able to hold 2 formaldehyde-smelling crocs.



And again, Nyx was amazed at the snake bones which they managed to coil.



While I was in awe of the Tarsier skeleton. Amazing! Super loooong tail! I find the Tarsier prettier as a skeleton than the actual live thing itself.



To mark the end of the trip, the kids (Jessa, Mini and Mar included) went to the playground and rode the seesaw. Yup, they have a playground. The place was not crowded because maybe we were there at closing time. Unfortunately, their restaurant was already closed by the time we finished the tour so I could not comment on their menu.



Overall, it was a great trip. Nyx said she was loving that kind of world.

...2-DAYS OFF

March 4, 2011

It's the first Friday of March. And tomorrow I will have 2 days off. Not because I will be on leave nor will I call in sick, but because we have a new work policy. Employees now get 2 days off! Sweet! (Never mind that LOCAL management said we had to go on 2-10pm shift because of the 2-days off given by TOP management.)

This is the first time ever that I would be getting 2 days off! Two whole rest days. I might not be able to get real rest on both days, but still! 2 days! I love!

I have forever survived on one day off eversince my first job. And this ain't it. Even before I graduated, I worked for a big broadcasting company as a talent. I was a TV host, actress, radio jock, writer, anchor -- name it, I did it. Maybe except for cameraman duties. So even during the holidays, I had work.

After that, I worked for a 5-star resort hotel. Needless to say, weekends and holidays were even more busy.

Fast forward to the present, I am in a casino. And yes, 24/7 work week. One day off still. And now, wonders of wonders, 2-days off -- for all! Wheeeee!!!!

Tomorrow, I will be busy with these two...

...WHAT I REALLY WANT

March 1, 2011

Hello, March!

It's Women's Month in the Philippines. And it's women's time of the month for me. How's that? It's also Fire Prevention Month, too. And yet I woke up to the blaring sound of sirens and when I checked out the window to the main road, firetrucks. Yup, it is indeed Fire Prevention Month already.

I am not in the best of mood today. Nor was I yesterday. In fact, I haven't been in the best of moods for quite awhile now. I have been beautifully pretending.

It has been two months since the effin yaya left. And I am miserable because I miss my children all the time.

Work has not been good to me either that it has made me question my wanting to transfer here. It is also making me question the benefit of this so-called new administration because really what I'm seeing is -- new leaders, same type of administration.

Like I tweeted yesterday, we work for our children. We work because of our children. And yet we cannot be with our children because of work. And now that work is being rude, I am barely managing to drag my butt off the bed and drag my feet to this god-forsaken place with a pretend smile on my face. That's me getting my game-face on. I use my frustration to give my best and submit a perfect job. But all along, at the back of my head, what I really want is to quit and be a mother to my children.