August 3, 2010
I am very impatient. I knew that from the start. And I’ve never denied that. It wasn’t a problem before – at least for me.
Now, I have children. Nyx goes to school already. School means homework. And because of the guilt (which I recently learned from Kelly Ripa is innate of mothers), I want to spread myself thin and do the tutoring also for my daughter when I get home from work. That would be at around 9 pm.
When she gets home from school at noon time, I only get a glimpse of her homework and I tell her to work on the copying and coloring and the studying would be done when I get off work. I know it would mean her waiting up for me but I tell her to take a nap in the afternoon, so she could wait for me. But that is not always the case. She would call me in the office and tell me she does not want to sleep because her eyes won’t close. And so when I get home she’s already slumped in bed. But there’s work to be done. Since she did not sleep earlier, it’s her fault. She has to wake up and work. Is that wrong? I am trying to instill on her the value of responsibility. But sometimes my conscience bugs me when Nyxy can hardly open her eyes and she does her signature “sleep-sitting”.
Because she is still trying to get her senses in order, she sometimes makes mistakes when we do her homework. And I get impatient. I don’t want her making mistakes. I think that’s bad. I resented my mom’s too high expectations of me before. And now I’m doing the same to my daughter. How do I not do that? I guess there’s still a lot to study about motherhood.
August 4, 2010
The photo above is of Nyx arriving from school with, not just a star on her hand, but also a heart. My impatience and tutorial worked. I am sooo proud of my daughter. Both our hard work proved worthwhile.
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